9 poems by Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz

translated from the Polish by Marek Wojciech Ługowski (Lugowski)

from the volume "Jak umieraja male dziewczynki?" (How do the little girls die?), Publisher: Wydawnictwo "Ruta", Walbrzych, Poland, 2003.

        bye-bye
        ------------------------------------------------

        don't want to scare you but mom says
        that you'll go to hell for what you did to me
        and won't get a promotion
        
        I look now like a fattened barbie doll
        or like mickey mouse after a trepanation
        
        I wear glasses as big as sunflowers
        braids as slender as earthworms
        and pajamas patterned with fat ladybugs
        
        actually I'm still the same girl
        whose panties you took off
        
        but I'll no longer get faked out by such cheap moves
        as love death truth and the writing of poems


                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                15 March 2004, Chicago
                

        pa, pa
        ------------------------------------------------
        
        nie chce/ cie/ straszyc/ ale mama mo/wil/a
        z/e za to co mi zrobil/es/ po/jdziesz do piekl/a 
        i nie awansujesz
        
        wygla/dam teraz jak barbi kto/ra/ podkarmiono
        albo myszka miki po trepanacji czaszki
        
        nosze/ okulary wielkie jak sl/oneczniki
        warkocze chude jak dz/dz/ownice 
        i piz/ame/ w tl/uste biedronki 
         
        wl/as/ciwie wcia/z/ jestem ta/ sama/ dziewczynka/
        kto/rej zdja/l/es/ majtki
        
        ale juz/ wie/cej nie nabiore/ sie/ na te tanie chwyty
        jak mil/os/c/ s/mierc/ prawda i pisanie wierszy


The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish:  https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz4/pa-pa.html




        little mr. plasticine man
        ------------------------------------------------

        my brother comes home from school and says
        -- I drew Christ but he didn't turn out so hot --

        I'm telling him don't worry once I drew myself
        and it turned out so well that to this day I can't shake the spell

        draw

        a cloud being devoured by the moon
        a rainbow spilled in a puddle
        snow under the fingernails

        draw

        an angel in a charnel house whose heart
        is melting like an ice cube
        a moth pinned in your hair
        a ruddy star in the kitchen sink

        -- he says cool and runs for the crayons --


                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                18 March 2004, Chicago


        plastus/
        ------------------------------------------------

        brat przychodzi ze szkol/y i mo/wi
        -- narysowal/em Chrystusa ale mi nie wyszedl/ --
 
        mo/wie/ mu nie przejmuj sie/ ja kiedys/ narysowal/am siebie 
        i wyszl/o mi tak dobrze z/e do dzis/ nie moge/ sie/ otrza/sna/c/

        narysuj

        chmure/ kto/ra/ zjada ksie/z/yc
        te/cze/ rozlana/ w kal/uz/y
        s/nieg za paznokciami

        narysuj

        aniol/a w kostnicy kto/rego serce
        topnieje tak jak kostka lodu
        c/me/ wpie/ta/ we wl/osy
        ruda/ gwiazde/ w zlewie 

        -- on mo/wi dobra i leci po kredki --


The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz2/plastus.html




        plastic
        ------------------------------------------------

        the sun crawls on the bed like a gorged spider
        I entwine the sleeping you like a torn net
        and I feel the torches go out -- your shoulders
        and I hear the smoke or death cool within us

        truth be told I would like to be a doll
        stuffed and cold
        not to see not to hear
        beckon with an empty leer
        

                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                23 March 2004, Chicago


        plastik
        ------------------------------------------------

        sl/on/ce pel/znie po l/o/z/ku jak obz/arty paja/k
        s/pisz wtulony we mnie jak w podarta/ siec/
        a ja czuje/ jak gasna/ pochodnie twych ramion
        a ja sl/ysze/ jak stygnie w nas dym albo s/mierc/  

        ale tak naprawde/ chcial/abym byc/ lalka/ 
        wypchana/ i zimna/ 
        nie widziec/ nie sl/yszec/
        wabic/ pusta/ minka/
        

The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz2/plastik.html




        flow, ebb
        ------------------------------------------------

        I have a room with a view of the sea
        a bed which talks in its sleep
        sand in the underwear and ants in the bathroom

        do you know that the jellyfish resemble trampled hats
        and the children on the beach take them into their hands
                                                       like apricot pudding
        shouting to their mothers hey evening snack coming up

        today I found a little shell shaped like your ear
        under a bridge a drunkard goes to sleep wrapped in a shadow
        life is salty and like netted fish
        each day we trash about less and less


                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                15 March 2004, Chicago
                

        przypl/yw, odpl/yw
        ------------------------------------------------

        mam poko/j z widokiem na morze
        l/o/z/ko kto/re gada przez sen
        piasek w bieliz/nie i mro/wki w l/azience

        czy wiesz z/e meduzy przypominaja/ rozdeptane kapelusze 
        a dzieci z plaz/y biora/ je w re/ce jak morelowy budyn/
        i krzycza/ do matek be/dzie podwieczorek

        dzis/ znalazl/am muszelke/ w ksztal/cie twojego ucha
        pod mostem usna/l/ pijak zawinie/ty w cien/
        z/ycie jest sl/one a my jak ryby w sieci
        kaz/dego dnia miotamy sie/ coraz mniej


The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish:
            https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz4/przyplyw-odplyw.html




        the cleanliness freak
        ------------------------------------------------

        in a window o' bliss a certain young miss
        -- yo, jump --

        is this not
        perhaps
        a mistake

        an ambulance shambles like a tank
        it's far far from here

        and the cracked eyes like toy ring rhinestones
        flicker for a spell and dim somewhere within

        mothers holler supper's ready
        children go home
        the sky smells like stew
        a garbage truck pulls out from around the corner


                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                23 March 2004, Chicago


        czys/cioch
        ------------------------------------------------

        panienka z okienka 
        -- hop --

        czy to nie jest 
        przypadkiem
        bl/a/d 

        karetka czl/apie jak czol/g
        daleko daleko jest sta/d 

        a oczy pe/knie/te jak szkiel/ka w piers/cionku
        migocza/ przez chwile/ i gasna/ gdzies/ w s/rodku

        matki wol/aja/ na obiad
        dzieci ida/ do domu
        niebo pachnie jak kasza
        s/mieciarka nadjez/dz/a zza rogu


The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish: 
                  https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz2/czyscioch.html




        The Bottom
        ------------------------------------------------

        I've been told so many times
        don't go through these woods
        because they might rape you
        and forget to kill you

        -- and you are like a drinking straw or a dried-up breeze
        a paper boat in a crumpled puddle --
        so wretched and brittle that before fear devours you
        you will get to love it you will get to serve it

        and I enter these woods like water up to my neck
        already I cannot feel the bottom
        and the good God swallows me like spit


                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                23 March 2004, Chicago


        Dno
        ------------------------------------------------

        tyle razy mi mo/wiono
        nie chodz/ przez ten las
        bo jeszcze cie/ zgwal/ca/ 
        i zapomna/ zabic/ 
        
        -- a ty jestes/ jak sl/omka lub wyschnie/ty wiatr
        papierowy statek w pogie/tej kal/uz/y --
        tak ne/dzna i krucha z/e nim poz/re cie/ strach
        ty jeszcze go pokochasz ty be/dziesz mu sl/uz/yc/ 
        
        a ja wchodze/ w ten las jak w wode/ po szyje/
        nie czuj/e juz/ dna
        i dobry Bo/g przel/yka mnie jak s/line/
        

The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz2/dno.html




        you too can become a general
        ------------------------------------------------

        a boy who loves me went off to war
        took a cell phone with him and called from the front

        ...I dreamed of you today you didn't write poems instead
        you were so good like thick jam with bread
        I often sleep in the trenches as cold as your hands
        there's mud in my hair and I've a mouth full of sand...

        he who loves me went off to war
        which I unleashed

        -- kill him quickly because he calls too often --


                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                17 March 2004, Chicago


        i ty moz/esz zostac/ general/em
        ------------------------------------------------

        chl/opak kto/ry mnie kocha poszedl/ na wojne/
        wzia/l/ ze soba/ komo/rke/ i zadzwonil/ z frontu
        
        ...s/nil/as/ mi sie/ dzisiaj nie pisal/as/ wierszy
        byl/as/ taka dobra jak chleb z ge/stym dz/emem
        s/pie/ cze/sto w okopach zimnych jak twe re/ce
        we wl/osach mam bl/oto a w ustach mam ziemie/...
        
        ten kto/ry mnie kocha poszedl/ na wojne/ 
        kto/ra/ wywol/al/am
        
        -- zabijcie go szybko bo za cze/sto dzwoni --


The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz2/i-ty-mozesz_.html




        Margaret Astor
        ------------------------------------------------

        I want to have livid lips like a drowned woman
        the ladies at the cosmetics counters check my pulse
        before I pay and ask about my immediate plans

        what's so weird about
        a girl who wants to look good
        -- and tame death like a neighbor's cat --
        

                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                23 March 2004, Chicago


        Margaret Astor
        ------------------------------------------------

        chce/ miec/ usta sine jak topielica  

        panie w sklepach kosmetycznych zanim zapl/ace/ 
        sprawdzaja/ mi puls i pytaja/ o najbliz/sze plany

        co w tym dziwnego
        z/e dziewczyna chce dobrze wygla/dac/
        -- i s/mierc/ oswoic/ jak kota sa/siadki --
        

The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish:
             https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz2/margaret-astor.html




        nausea
        ------------------------------------------------

        sometimes on a bus
        I come upon men
        who smell like you

        then I come up closer and whisper thief

        my physician says it is not love
        but only a locomotive disease


                Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz, Polish, b. 1979
                translated by Marek Lugowski, marek@enteract.com
                15 March 2004, Chicago


        mdl/os/ci
        ------------------------------------------------

        czasami w autobusie 
        spotykam me/z/czyzn
        kto/rzy pachna/ jak ty

        podchodze/ wtedy bliz/ej i szepcze/ zl/odziej

        ale mo/j lekarz mo/wi z/e to nie jest mil/os/c/
        tylko choroba lokomocyjna


The book online in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/
This poem in Polish: https://web.archive.org/web/20100324074701/http://www.bar.art.pl/wiersze/kez/dziewcz3/mdlosci.html

Poems by Katarzyna Ewa Zdanowicz
translated from the Polish
by Marek Lugowski

from the volume "Jak umieraja male dziewczynki?"
(How do the little girls die?),
Publisher: Wydawnictwo "Ruta", Walbrzych, Poland, 2003.